How do you build confidence? | One Good Question

0:49 All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to one good question. We're with the team today. We got Matt Ogiekyle castro Me and Jim and Sebastian and we ain't got to go around maybe give some tips. But the question is it's a it's a little vague, but I think there's lessons here, and since I'm going on my life Coach World tour, I think it's a good question for that. How do you build confidence? And this gentleman is talking about even just in life in general. Hmmm. Now, I gotta I gotta. I gotta one ABC plan that I'm selling. So I'll leave mine for the end because I have the answer. But if you guys want to throw tips that helps you think there's one answer answer, Yeah, I honestly do. He's I don't have a plan. Yeah, you think I'm joking, but I literally do. Literally. Yeah, I think there's a singular method. I don't have a plan, but I do not argue with that.

1:41 When i'm I try to think what I'm most confident, what I do that's good, oh man. When I'm most confident, what I do is I basically just lie to myself kind of like kind of but then like also like you gotta use it somewhere, you gotta there has to be an outlet for that confidence to be used on, so like women. Yeah, So for those of you in our audio audience who do not know what Kyle looks like, Kyle is six five, Yes, I probably the most confidence issue at all. Model good looks. Ye, tiny penis very smart. I've seen it. I've seen it perfect. So I would say snack like, I don't know, like it is weird, Like when I'm really lacking confidence, I feel like I'm just a small little dude. I don't know.

2:30 Well, that's I think that's a big thing when you see someone who you perceive as being better looking, more athletic, smarter, whatever, whatever, and you assume that they have all the confidence in the world, and you don't know how you're ever going to get there. Most of the time those people don't have the confidence that do you think they do? Well? Yeah, sometimes, but we're all flesh of blood. I don't think there's a single human out there that is three sixty five confident. And it's just not possible, just not And and they're a narcissist And that's literally a mental disorder, like there's no such thing. You almost like it almost like plays into I think a lot of confidence comes from like your perception of what others think of you, for sure, right, I think that's probably the majority of confidence, because like, if you didn't care what other people think about you, I think you'd be probably the most confident person in the world. It's a weird take, but it's just so true because again, there's so many messages being thrown around the internet about confidence and success and stuff like that.

3:27 But that take is so good in the sense that, like we're social creatures. You know, we're raised in whatever you believe, in caves with ten of us, or families and tribes with one hundred of us or fifty of us. I forgot what the number is. But we're meant to be around others. And if it's almost like a moral evolutionary thing that you should care what other people think. You know, if you don't care what other people think, you're probably doing something wrong. You might be a sociopathic, right, you're probably and and and if you're acting wild, it's because you don't fit in, because you're probably not helping the people around you, right, Like you hear like the one black sheep of the family of it's probably because they're doing some weird shit yea, Like they don't want to fit in and they don't want to help the family. They don't want to be close.

4:08 So I think it's normal, and I think it's probably good to care about what other people think, because there's a big message going around like don't care what they think, you know, like, well, we're kind of built. You're kind of fighting yourself. You don't like you, you're fighting the whole world, you're biology, the socialization. Yeah, you're fighting everything. You're literally fighting biology and everything, like we should get should it rule you? Probably not right. You don't want to be like, oh if Timmy jumps off a cliff or you can jump off a cliff, like not, but you should care somewhat. Yeah, I think it like ties into like uh, I mean that they don't really clash. They're pretty similar, like caring what people think about you, but then also in the same breath wanting people to like you, and so like the one you can't control it all.

4:49 Well, I mean you can't control either of them. Kind of like someone just might not like you, they might not like you. Whatever, but like that's what it comes down to. Then you that's when the thoughts kicking, like yeah, why don't they do this? And like I don't know if you have the internal monologue, like I have a constant internal monologue going like all day, but I mean that's just the thought thoughts that are feeding into it. I would say like when those when the internal monologue is like really quiet, is when I'm most confident probably like the less thoughts or the more I can like see the thoughts what going by, and I could like like, nah, we're not gonna I mean that's some of the life coaches shit they teach too, is like the more present you are, the less time you have for that inner monologue, so less chances you have for those doubts and negative thoughts to creep in, which is every human's issue, right, like if you're paying attention over now, And that's kind of the beauty of podcasting too, is like no one's on their phone, Like you're forcing into this conversation that you're not allowed to do anywhere else. Like it's real rare in nowadays age. It's gonna be real. You know, no one's hears once like I hope not, because we're all been pretty engaged and we just did the long podcast before that. You're not sitting there like damn dude, what's my eyebrows are fucked or my beard's fucked? Or do I look fat on camera? Because you're just too dialed in. Yeah, you know, you know we all have those thoughts, but you're just dialed in.

5:53 Yeah, but that's my my Rispee is just like I I yeah, like I guess, try to quiet your thought and just tell yourself and just affirmations. I would say yeah more so like oh, and like you can tell yourself not not like fake shit, don't lie like completely, like like oh, I'm the most confident person in the world. You could just lead off with like a subtlety like uh, like, oh man, I don't feel the most attractive to day, but and then just like segue, like like on a highway you're trying to get off on the off ramply like all right, I don't feel that attracted today, Like, oh, but you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna address I say soft feel Oh I feel better today, and just kind of like segue it that way a little bit. I think it's small shit like that. I don't think it's ever the raw raw I the ra ra doesn't work for me because I could just see right through it, and I'll like look at myself and be like, dude, you' lying to yourself, Like like it's just me and you here, bro, Like like what are you doing? Like you know what I mean?

6:41 Like the Ray Lewis isn't in the room. You're not trying to impress them, you know what I mean? Like this is just me and you, dude, Like who are you lying to? Like you can't. You can fool everyone else in here, not yourself, you know. So it's like all right, but that's all I got. You start lying yourself, you're gonna be down a dark path. Yeah yeah, yeah. I think I've had two approaches. One of them is I always like to call this atten minue when like find a thing that you can accomplish successfully in a short period of time and get a little boost out of that, you know, productivity. Yeah, just yeah, a productivity thing whatever. And the other one is like visualization. It's like thinking about accomplishing something in the way that you want to accomplish it, and pretty often you know, the actual performance is a little different than that. So maybe something came up and you had to problem solve or or whatever, but you've thought about finishing it, like being successful with it. That helps helps me. You got anything, young guns?

7:38 Oh, I think it's like just being honest with yourself but not being negative. So I try not to use the word can't ever. Like if you're like, oh, I can't do it, I say, oh, I'll figure it out, Like I'll get to it. Like if I can't succeed on like a climber or something of like a challenging nature, it's not like, oh, I can't do it right now, but I'll get to it. Like I know it's not in the cards right now, but I'm not gonna put myself down to a point of where like it's never not possible. But at the same time, you gotta stay grounded and be like all right, like it wasn't there. I'm not gonna gaslight myself and be like, oh shit, I'm him. It's just not my day. But I know, like it'll take time, So being present, being in the moment and knowing when to be real, like we shoot the shit. But there's times I'm like, all right, yeah, like that's not real. We're just acting it up and like doing whatever. And there's a time when you got to just check yourself and be like, hey, that's not really me.

8:28 This is me. I'm not feeling good today, but I know, damn well, I can give it my best shot to at least get done what I need to get done and show up. I think most of the fight is just showing up anyways, being in a moment, showing up, and then just little goal setting, like all right, how can I get to that bigger goal slowly but surely, and just not put myself down. I was gonna say, I think taking like small doves, like writing things out and just like okay, I achieved this, and then just having like a bigger picture kind of like achieving like what Jimbo said, like taking those little small doves and then eventually it'll be you'll have like the bigger picture. Yeah. Now that's the step one through three ABC. Ladies and gentlemen. It really is that simple. Like you looks and stuff like that get a little weird because we're talking subjective and we're talking in our brains and in our heads. But the truth to like build confidence is showing your work. You know, like you was doing math, I got the answers twelve, how'd you get to twelve? And you got to show all this work and confidence comes to repetition and success and succeeding. Kind of like sea bass and kind of everyone said it in many ways. If you want to be confident in something, a skill, a task, or whatever, you gotta do it.

9:35 You got to build yourself up for success, and you got to you gotta be honest with yourself. Kind of little bits and pieces of what everyone said here. You know, Kyle's talking about being honest with himself and having these conversations. You have to do that and succeed the application over and over. You want to have confidence to squad five hundred pounds, well you have to make a four or five squad. You got to make a four to twenty five double. You got to do a four to fifty five. For a double, you gotta smoke for seventy five and then you're you have confidence that you'll hit five hundred because you had the work. You accomplish that work, and it's steps, smaller steps, smaller wins, ten minute wins, whatever. It is all the way up lifting is the easiest example, right, because it's that it is black and white. You want to bench three fifteen, Okay, you got to put in the work over and over to be good enough to bench two twenty five for five, two seventy five for three, and now you're probably ready for you know, to at least attempt confidently. When you start to deal with yourself, it's the same thing, but the scope gets a lot wider. Things you say you're gonna do, you gotta do. All right, I'm gonna wake up every morning and I'm gonna shower work for ten minutes, blah blahah whatever you set out for yourself.

10:39 Every time you don't do that, that's like a weakness in your armor. Right, you say, all right, I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna uh this year, I want to eat no carbs and I want to walk five miles every single day. Well, every day you don't do that, you're lying to yourself. When we talk about going down that dark path of literally lying to yourself, and you're just gonna become less confident week because the truths aren't there to build upon. You build upon those truths over and over and over, and some of them may be superficial at first, and that's what I do. That's why I'm into clothes. You know, some of it's superficial. But if I look a certain way still to this day, since like third grade, I lay out my clothes every night before the next day because I want my fit to look good, because I know that's gonna help me carry myself a certain way to speak, a certain way, to act a certain way, and accomplish all these little things I have set out for the day. So I think all the answers from all you guys was great. And depending on what you're trying to be confident. But trying to be confident in life is just showing those works over and over and over.

11:35 And Yeah, I wake up in the morning and think I'm a piece of shit and I'm never gonna make it. I'm gonna go homeless, and I'm gonna be weak and broken, fat and ugly and die alone and all those thoughts crawling into my head. Yeah it's true though, and everyone else out there has it too. You know, like, if you're a conscious being with some any depth, you're gonna wake up one day and not feel good that something bad is gonna happen and you're not good enough and you're not gonna make it. But the lights turn on one day. Yeah yeah, if you if you keep going, it's only gonna get brighter. And there's gonna be another bad day. And there's gonna be another bad day. And you know, if you go through a dark time, like you know many of us have been through dark times, there's gonna be ninety out of those one hundred days will be more negative than positive. But if you stop, then you're gonna be stuck in the dark. If you keep going, maybe we switch that scale again to the fifty one forty nine and we're gonna have more positive days than not. We're gonna switch that thing around. But all those things affirmations. I'll be quoting Denzel from fucking Remember the Titans to myself every night before I'm going to bed, You'll think ray lewis in my head, like going crazy. All that kind of stuff I think adds up as much positive as you can bring into your life. Who you surround yourself with, how you dress, and I don't care how you dress. You could dress like fucking Marilyn Manson, but if that makes you feel good dressed like Marilyn Manson, you know, it doesn't really matter, but choosing to dress a certain way, choosing to express yourself a certain way, choosing to be put together, whatever that means for you, matters, because I think a lot of people say, like, oh, you dressed that way because it's trendy, or rappers do it, or you know that. I don't care how you dress. But making a conscious decision to present yourself to the world, going back to us being social creatures, I think matters. Dressing a

13:07 certain way to make your internal child a young adult adult feel cool and good matters because it's going to represent how you move through the world. And most success and most confidence is based on the feedback we get from the matrix. You know, you can't, you can't be just like confident inside and then fucking from what nothing outside? Yeah, like our world is what's happening in my head is just as much in this world as it is in my head. Uh talking to Gandalf or not Gandolf? Fuck fucked it up. I was on a roll dumble door double doore, Dumbledore say Gandal's up there too now, But Harry Potter says, uh, Dumbledore, is this real? Or is it all in my head? And Dumbledore says, Harry, just because it's in your head doesn't mean it's not real. That was a bar.

13:56 He was dead too. I think he was dead when they were on the fucking cloud nine. Well, they weren't alive. They were in the hall. They're on the good They're in the heavens hall. Little Voldemort was on the under the bench or remember that. Yeah, but they were they were in the heavens when they Yeah, he was in the like the like the heavenly halls. Yeah, they're all yeah, yeah, I don't know. I don't know how much which lord. Something called me Voldemort Kirby. That's fucked, dude. She said, I didn't know Volde got posted a picture of me when I was fifteen with a big head, and she said, I didn't know Voltimore ran my gym. Yeah that sucked up. He should not be named, ok, but he I don't think so she hurt.

14:43 What are we talking about? What she's pronouned Voltemort? He check his Twitter bio got that work though, he did get that worded Neville. Bro. That's a bad motherfucker. He were never but like never, no, never funk that ship up up the steak. Yeah, but like long bottom man need some sugar. That was running and he was up. He was up top number one. He should not be named for for years. Bro. That's a good run. So you him? They then where can people find you? Matt? Uh Matt Yeah, Instagram hs stot bouldering, let's be ready teasing my two is two tease me two instagrams, a little too much tea on Instagram? Three three of them the film to see. Yeah, I told you he has like twenty yeah, three of them. Don't get active. That's crazy man. One of the active because I just owned that. I just posting fans. Yeah yeah, yeah, but I got two the only fans two plus the only fans. That's weird too, Okay, got it, God, I got it. Well, I'm about to dip my hole. You're welcome for that trick. It's basically plug wanna go.

16:08 Kyle Underscore Castro with two o's is a very common name. Apparently someone did our meet named Kyle Castro. Yeah and Fidel Yeah, uncle shout out to uncle fanel shout out. Yeah, he has got the same blood. Maybe he's looking up at us right now, right now, he's there with a Dumbledore and Harry Potter him Sebastian Underscore brand below on I G Ladies, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for listening to new episodes every Wednesday and Friday. If you guys want evidence based supplements to get you right, Lesion Athletics dot com used code Good Company for twenty percent off three s p dot c O for all your apparel needs Thirstree Barber. If you're in sircrament Uncle, check us out and I'm sorring like where you want to find me Jim McDean and all the social media. This show is fifty percent facts percent.

16:56 It's a word that fifty is just numbers. Fifty percent facts is a Spreaker Pine podcast podcast in association with iHeartMedia on the Obscure Celebrity Network. And we'll talk to you next time.